{"id":298,"date":"2023-05-03T23:21:15","date_gmt":"2023-05-03T23:21:15","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wellbeings.nz\/?p=298"},"modified":"2023-05-04T05:10:43","modified_gmt":"2023-05-04T05:10:43","slug":"298-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wellbeings.nz\/298-2\/","title":{"rendered":"Are you in a three way? (you, your partner and your phone)"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p><strong>Is your phone affecting your relationship?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>If you\u2019re feeling like intimacy is lacking in your relationship, it may be because you\u2019re unknowingly in a three-way relationship with your phone. On the WellBeings <\/strong><a href=\"https:\/\/znap.link\/wellbeings\"><strong>podcast<\/strong><\/a><strong> we talk to Catherine Price whoe explains why mobile phone addictions drive a wedge between couples, and how to break up with this toxic third party.<\/strong><strong><br><\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image\"><img decoding=\"async\" data-src=\"https:\/\/lh3.googleusercontent.com\/ncLYWYDvjpqS9UNKj3YmCmQ9zZc2LW2tXQt8FakKcXC63TmkJvhKzdV4ws-EF9cPy3C_ZT_N6nYUjk09HPKa_OuYipV0LnpusVyM3JruRvi8zeAhx6dXdY-yXKN1jfe_N7rbjwU9EmeO8VpkzoChOVaucfVz-lKwv-PPtBPCGJGBVOq3ODPVlVaC0Yc5gNJX\" alt=\"\" src=\"data:image\/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAAAAACH5BAEKAAEALAAAAAABAAEAAAICTAEAOw==\" class=\"lazyload\" \/><noscript><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/lh3.googleusercontent.com\/ncLYWYDvjpqS9UNKj3YmCmQ9zZc2LW2tXQt8FakKcXC63TmkJvhKzdV4ws-EF9cPy3C_ZT_N6nYUjk09HPKa_OuYipV0LnpusVyM3JruRvi8zeAhx6dXdY-yXKN1jfe_N7rbjwU9EmeO8VpkzoChOVaucfVz-lKwv-PPtBPCGJGBVOq3ODPVlVaC0Yc5gNJX\" alt=\"\"\/><\/noscript><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>Feel like you\u2019re in a three-way relationship with you, your partner\u2026 and your phone? <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/1ry9YQZPOPMcEgteDMtAc7\">We recently spoke to Catherine Price,<\/a> author of <a href=\"https:\/\/www.audible.com.au\/pd\/How-to-Break-Up-with-Your-Phone-Audiobook\/B077SP928Q?source_code=M2MOR1341126180055&amp;ipRedirectOverride=true&amp;gclid=CjwKCAiA7dKMBhBCEiwAO_crFER7bGJUi-UM6tiu5fj7MCaFNZMlXsWOsjKRUd2RJzflfhW-wnvHthoC-zEQAvD_BwE&amp;gclsrc=aw.ds\">How To Break Up With Your Phone<\/a>, in a quest to find out just how detrimental your relationship with your phone can be, and how to take back control.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If you\u2019re thinking you\u2019re spending too much time on your phone, it&#8217;s probably because you are. And, you\u2019re not alone. Most people have started to look at their phones as a default state whenever there is a moment of silence; in the car, in the elevator, while you\u2019re waiting in line, our brains have started to crave the constant stimulation that comes from looking at a screen. For some, this may not seem like a big deal, but studies have shown that as a result, we\u2019ve become less productive and less engaged with the people and environment around us.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Technology undoubtedly enriches our lives in many ways, but at what cost? In the relationship scenario, it might be that your sex-life is at a standstill because you spend your evenings scrolling social media, or a breakup\u2026 via text. According to the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.pewresearch.org\/\">Pew Research Centre<\/a>, 25% of adult internet users report that the internet has had a negative impact on their relationship in one way or another.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Enter; Catherine Price, science journalist, self-identified tech addict and celebrated author of the best-selling book<a href=\"http:\/\/www.catherine-price.com\/how-to-break-up-with-your-phone\"> <em>How To Break Up With Your Phone<\/em>.<\/a> Basically, when it comes to the detrimental effects of spending too much time on your phone, she knows her onions. She attributes her \u2018aha moment\u2019 to when she had \u201crecently had a baby and was feeding her in a darkened room as she cuddled on my lap. It was an intimate, tender moment \u2014 except for one detail. She was gazing at me \u2026 and I was on eBay, scrolling through listings for Victorian-era door knobs.\u201d We\u2019ve all likely experienced similar scenarios, when you think &#8211; did I really just miss this special moment to do something entirely unremarkable on my device? If the answer is yes, you may need to invest in her book.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The first half focuses on the damage that this addiction causes, these can range from increased stress levels to preventing us from getting a good night\u2019s sleep. The second half is Price\u2019s easily-implemented 30 day guide on how to end this toxic relationship you have with your phone, and rather, incorporate it into our lives in a healthy way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Here are 7 practical excerpts to get you started:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Learn to ride out the cravings<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Price adopts a technique often used by those who wish to quit smoking: riding out the cravings. If we acknowledge the discomfort we feel when we\u2019re away from our phones, but learn to ride the wave &#8211; the cravings will begin to fade over time. She recommends taking a deep breath and noticing the cravings when you go to reach for your phone, rather than punishing yourself. Don\u2019t surrender to it, try to do something to distract yourself and then see these diminish over time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image\"><img decoding=\"async\" data-src=\"https:\/\/lh6.googleusercontent.com\/TpUQw79547j4OD0aMb2TRj0MKltaQNT3bOPgal3LOlExOjTVt4bKkvVnpmomv_vO65iQtvvH42adw3ja9esY7aBtvqV0LQpIzRrmzKqB_QNlGB-enaBciCq2FEX3-BMANQgDSVHMYcrAnLE8SIyTDPh7Qi1zIdJJd2QNsTQJh43zcXPK9m0YdRnWJUYAjxA8\" alt=\"\" src=\"data:image\/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAAAAACH5BAEKAAEALAAAAAABAAEAAAICTAEAOw==\" class=\"lazyload\" \/><noscript><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/lh6.googleusercontent.com\/TpUQw79547j4OD0aMb2TRj0MKltaQNT3bOPgal3LOlExOjTVt4bKkvVnpmomv_vO65iQtvvH42adw3ja9esY7aBtvqV0LQpIzRrmzKqB_QNlGB-enaBciCq2FEX3-BMANQgDSVHMYcrAnLE8SIyTDPh7Qi1zIdJJd2QNsTQJh43zcXPK9m0YdRnWJUYAjxA8\" alt=\"\"\/><\/noscript><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Include others<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Chances are, if you vocalise the fact that you\u2019re making a conscious effort to spend less time on your phone, those around you will respond with \u201cme too\u201d. \u2018Safety in numbers\u2019 may be a cliche, but it doesn\u2019t make it any less true &#8211; invite your peers to try it with you, just like having a workout buddy, it\u2019ll help to keep you accountable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Assess your current relationship<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>The only way you\u2019ll know the true gravity of the issue is if you wrap your arms around it, and measure how much time you\u2019re <em>actually<\/em> spending looking at your phone. Most smartphones have a feature which will track your overall usage, which apps you spend most time on, and give you valuable digestible data. Once you have it, set specific goals for you and your phone&#8217;s relationship. This might range from only using your phone when you absolutely need to, to using it less during work hours. Set incremental, achievable goals to reduce your phone usage each week until you reach a level that you\u2019re comfortable with. Having no direction will lead to failure.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Set boundaries<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Price recommends turning off all notifications, including emails. If you\u2019re worried about missing special alerts &#8211; you can put them on a special VIP list so you\u2019ll receive notifications from these people, but nobody else. Price also recommends carving out \u2018no phone time\u2019, this can be while you\u2019re eating, or when you go to bed, or could even be no phone whatsoever after 6pm. If you can\u2019t delete time-wasting apps such as social media for work reasons, try downloading an app blocker. Write rules and set boundaries that dictate the sort of relationship you want with your phone &#8211; use them as a tool to set you up for success.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image\"><img decoding=\"async\" data-src=\"https:\/\/lh6.googleusercontent.com\/DgaEu2KmOAIy7BiGKVpgfzEOHmgc0f2wsSW9nWALtFMpqFz9OusJBitVXKbEPOKgqlqC_L-C97r7TllR2Gpr5SN11s_FviSfnH_2P31IRv956NNCBMq17Hi3LN9OSxMzbwANjJcxjVFqWTA3u63ThBFD8ZR-qQUpvqvQ2kmEknA4KN4OdFhS6geD2XB_R67N\" alt=\"\" src=\"data:image\/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAAAAACH5BAEKAAEALAAAAAABAAEAAAICTAEAOw==\" class=\"lazyload\" \/><noscript><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/lh6.googleusercontent.com\/DgaEu2KmOAIy7BiGKVpgfzEOHmgc0f2wsSW9nWALtFMpqFz9OusJBitVXKbEPOKgqlqC_L-C97r7TllR2Gpr5SN11s_FviSfnH_2P31IRv956NNCBMq17Hi3LN9OSxMzbwANjJcxjVFqWTA3u63ThBFD8ZR-qQUpvqvQ2kmEknA4KN4OdFhS6geD2XB_R67N\" alt=\"\"\/><\/noscript><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Stop \u2018phubbing\u2019<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Phubbing is the hybrid of \u2018phone\u2019 and \u2018snubbing\u2019. If you\u2019ve ever looked at your phone while eating a meal with friends and family (we\u2019re all guilty of it) then you\u2019re phubbing. It\u2019s actually become so common and so universally accepted that most people won\u2019t even notice it. But, it doesn\u2019t change the fact that it effects those around us, and it\u2019s actually\u2026 quite rude. A good rule is to try to put, and keep, your phone away when you\u2019re out for dinner or at a social gathering. Only get it out if it enhances the conversation, like showing pictures or double checking a date for your next meeting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Try a trial separation<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>The steps of Price\u2019s 30 day guide lead to a 24 hour trial separation on days 20-21. This exercise is designed to test your discipline, and the boundaries that you\u2019ve begun to set up until this point, but most of all it\u2019s meant to \u201callow serendipity to reenter your life.\u201d She encourages you to instead spend this 24 hour period going on walks, dining out at local restaurants, or reading a paper book. This period will likely reinforce the fact that there are so many interesting things to do that don\u2019t involve being on your phone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Find other things to do<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Price writes that if you re-invested the hours spent mindlessly scrolling through social media toward taking up a new hobby, or reading a book, you\u2019d be shocked at how much you can achieve. All of these types of activities are healthy, substantive and productive uses of time that will ultimately make you a healthier, happier person.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And when its relationship goals here are the some simplified Dos and Don&#8217;ts for couples trying to mitigate the impact in their relationship.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>DON\u2019T&nbsp;<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Handle conflict online<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Conflicts will naturally arise in any relationship, and in order to overcome them, couples must learn to manage them face to face. It\u2019s undoubtedly harder, but it&#8217;s also undoubtedly better in the long run. The main reason being that it allows for each person to interpret nonverbal cues, leaving less room for misinterpretation. If you\u2019re starting to feel as though your online conversations with your partner are becoming tense &#8211; try to continue the conversion offline.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Mistake ease for empathy&nbsp;<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Empathy is an essential skill for human interaction, particularly in a relationship. The issue arises when the ease of joy, enthusiasm and sorrow are all boiled-down to a simple \u2018like\u2019 button, or crying emoji. These simple fixes do not, and will not be able to match up to actually celebrating or grieving with your partner. Make sure you\u2019re both still practicing the art of empathy with consistency over time, and make sure it\u2019s face-to-face.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image\"><img decoding=\"async\" data-src=\"https:\/\/lh4.googleusercontent.com\/4m2HpQatmbFHz_Bv_QevOC2eo1evMlkS0pLfj35vGwHbuYk_FP7JbeFvD0CZMEi6a3lLqxrphb0RdypYA6jnGC3DepAUjoH316d5piH7mVYwssf__7z7PJjAqnTAk8BHmRQJRtC9yy5sXrEcTvow4VyDqM0A-YYDWOL-Bw3jprd_ANPXCdQQweWxxiPEJYKd\" alt=\"\" src=\"data:image\/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAAAAACH5BAEKAAEALAAAAAABAAEAAAICTAEAOw==\" class=\"lazyload\" \/><noscript><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/lh4.googleusercontent.com\/4m2HpQatmbFHz_Bv_QevOC2eo1evMlkS0pLfj35vGwHbuYk_FP7JbeFvD0CZMEi6a3lLqxrphb0RdypYA6jnGC3DepAUjoH316d5piH7mVYwssf__7z7PJjAqnTAk8BHmRQJRtC9yy5sXrEcTvow4VyDqM0A-YYDWOL-Bw3jprd_ANPXCdQQweWxxiPEJYKd\" alt=\"\"\/><\/noscript><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>DO<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Use technology to feel closer.<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>It\u2019s not all doom and gloom, 21% of the couples in the Pew Research study reported that they actually felt closer to their partners due to online conversations. In these cases, they have learned to use their devices to turn toward each other, rather than turn away. This is an important skill to master in any successful relationship, it\u2019s a way to bridge separation caused by the work day or long-distance. This might be in the form of a simple text message during a key moment, or sharing funny content in a way that provokes a shared laugh.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Partner against the device, together.&nbsp;<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>In this day and age, there are a million things all clamouring for our attention. Your phone, your laptop, your TV,&nbsp; are all designed to isolate you from your surroundings &#8211; and your partner. In this regard, these devices stack up to being the enemy in your relationship. There\u2019s a tonne of research to suggest that relationships thrive and prosper when you\u2019re surrounded by friends and family, and it also shows the same when they identify a common enemy. In this context, consider the phone the enemy, and recognising that they are a barrier to intimacy is half the battle. Together, decide on times when the phone needs to be left out of the equation, maybe at bedtime, or during meals together &#8211; and then gently signal when these rules are being violated.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>These may seem like small things, but when couples learn to put technology aside and partner against the common enemy together, they\u2019ll reclaim the kind of relationship where communication and intimacy come first.&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Is your phone affecting your relationship? If you\u2019re feeling like intimacy is lacking in your relationship, it may be because you\u2019re unknowingly in a three-way relationship with your phone. On the WellBeings podcast we talk to Catherine Price whoe explains why mobile phone addictions drive a wedge between couples, and how to break up with [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":307,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[52,41,29],"tags":[],"aioseo_notices":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v22.5 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Are you in a three way? 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